Calibrating your Stage Climb
A calibration is a type of measurement that’s designed to fine-tune or pinpoint something with as much precision as possible.
In Stage Climbing, we use the term “calibration” as a metaphor for determining precisely where you are now in your Stage Climbing process so that you can establish exactly where you want to be with respect to any given area of your life.
Calibrations simply define each stage for any category to which you choose to apply the principles of Stage Climbing. Scroll down to find the ones that most speak to you:
Ultimate Master Goals
This first calibration looks at your Ultimate Master Goals, which are different at each stage. Here they are, broken down by the stages. See which of these speak most to various parts of your life and how you best can implement the ones you choose:
- Stage Seven―To change the world or some part of it in some way―large or small … To have the greatest possible impact on those around you as well as any cause with which you involve yourself.
- Stage Six―To do what you love, are best at and enjoy most … To strive to fill your particular niche perhaps as well it could possibly be done―in your own unique way, and for your own intrinsic pleasure … To love what you do and the people who matter most to you … To operate at your highest potential!
- Stage Five―To have affluence and/or whatever you believe is necessary for living a good and worthwhile life as well as having all of your roles optimally covered and comfortably balanced.
- Stage Four―To be, accepted, admired, respected, and/or loved by all of those who in any way matter to you, perhaps even regardless of whether or not you actually know them (or they know you) personally.
- Stage Three―To be conflict-free
- Stage Two―To get exactly what you want, have fun, and stay under the radar screen― while avoiding any scrutiny, punishment or other consequences.
- Stage One―To have all your needs met with minimal effort or obligation on your part.
Current Stage
Be especially aware of whether or not you are putting energy into seeking what you really don’t want or no longer need―perhaps merely by habit. If so, where could that energy better serve you now?
To determine the stage at which you are operating in a specific life area or with a specific situation, issue, thought, belief, attitude, or behavior, ask yourself the question(s) next to the stage they typify. If more than one seems to resonate, simply be aware of which stage you relate to the most, for the situation or aspect of life you’re thinking about:
- Stage Seven―Are the individual and/or collective needs of all others involved in this situation or big picture at least as important to me as my own needs? (In addition to Stage Six below.)
- Stage Six―Am I doing, or is my focus on, what I feel passionate about? What truly feels right, ethical, and best to me on a heartfelt level? Are my best feelings about myself being triggered?
- Stage Five―Am I taking into account those things that best affect all aspects of my life, and the roles in it that I play?
- Stage Four―Am I being influenced or governed by what others (who have no actual authority over me) approve of or think of me?
- Stage Three―Am I insisting that there is only one way or one set of rules (or beliefs) that I and/or everyone else involved should/must follow?
- Stage Two―Am I trying to get away with something, reap a reward I know I am not entitled to or would have no trouble recognizing as offensive or problematic if someone else were doing the same thing at my expense? On the non-problematic side, Is this just sheer uninhibited fun?
- Stage One―Do I believe I am too dependent, helpless and/or weak to take the initiative to do what needs to be done? Am I telling myself I am powerless? Am I being just plain resistant to taking measures that I know would benefit me?
Conflict
How Conflict is typically handled at each stage:
- Stage Seven―By carefully listening to all points of view, considering each possibility, then making the decision or taking the action(s) that comes closest to best serving everyone involved by consensus, if possible ―then staunchly standing by your decision or action, if necessary (In addition to Stage Six and possibly Stage Five below).
- Stage Six―By doing what feels consistent with your own core principles and purpose on a heartfelt level.
- Stage Five―By evaluating whether and how the source of your conflict is related to your bigger picture, then by taking the action(s) that come as close as possible to rebalancing your life.
- Stage Four―By taking the road that produces the most validation from others and the least anxiety, no matter how things shake out.
- Stage Three―By following a set of black-and-white rules that clearly dictates who or what is right and who or what is wrong.
- Stage Two―By using some form of deception or strong-arm tactic or doing whatever you have to do--- sometimes even without limits --- to assure that you get your way. Thus, to get what you want at Stage Two, you might be extremely charming to manipulate someone, and extremely brutal to bully, manipulate, or force them, or any unique combination thereof; that is whatever it takes to control, overpower and win.
- Stage One―By doing what is easiest, such as latching on to, surrendering and/ or allowing some person or force that you consider stronger or “more capable” to take over the situation, thus allowing you to disown any conflict by obeying them and supporting their means of resolving the conflict.
A comprehensive menu for conflict resolution might include something from each stage. The key is to choose the most effective approach or combination of them for a given situation or issue. In reality, most of us use our hooks in all or several stages at different times to resolve conflict.
Happiness and Success
This is how you would define Happiness and Success at each stage:
- Stage Seven―Achieving the desired impact on a person/people or segment of the world you most care about … Helping others and seeing them reap the benefits of your efforts … Being fully connected to and engaged in your principles and purpose.
- Stage Six―The satisfaction of reaching a difficult goal or solving a tough problem… The feelings of excitement and being unstoppable that comes from peak performance… The bliss and inner peace associated with the little things encountered in everyday life, such as the glow of a nice spring day or being in nature, writing poetry, reading a good book or listening to your favorite music… Exploring novelty and whatever makes you curious… Being with those you love and feeling deeply connected to them.
- Stage Five―Keeping all roles and relationships in balance and problem free … Being effective and not overwhelmed … Achieving affluence … Finding a hobby and making time for pleasurable activities as another important way to balance your life and “recharge your batteries” …“Pleasurable activities” are those that provide fun and a ‘healthy alternative’ to work and chores.
- Stage Four―Achieving acceptance, approval, fame, and positive recognition; such as winning an award … Keeping personal relationships happy and conflict-free.
- Stage Three― Living your life “properly” by staying within the black-and-white parameters of your acceptable world … Not drawing any negative attention to yourself … Fitting in and doing what you “should” as well as doing your part to cause others around you, to “toe the line” as well … The belief that your religious or spiritual path, and yours alone, is most in tune with the divine.
- Stage Two―Getting away with something or achieving dominance over people … On the positive side; it’s sheer joy and the lack of unwanted inhibition
- Stage One―When life is easy with no demands or challenges to worry about ... Having a reliable and dependable caretaker who is also a provider of all necessities.
The best thing about Stages Six and Seven is that they put your happiness and success firmly under your control. This is what makes your stage climb so empowering!
Motivation
What Motivates you at each stage:
- Stage Seven―The opportunity to serve one person or many others, your larger community and/or the environment in a cause or mission you believe in… To solve a problem that has an impact on people or things that are larger than you and your inner circle… The satisfaction of touching one life (as a parent, for example) or bettering many lives.
- Stage Six―The feeling of satisfaction that comes when doing what you love and were meant to do as dictated by your unique talents … Meeting a challenge... Performing optimally with passion and ease as opposed to effort and difficulty… Anything that triggers feelings of bliss … The opportunity to be genuinely creative … Feeling the best about yourself … "If you aren't having fun doing it, either you’re not doing it right or it’s not the right thing for you to be doing."
- Stage Five―Money, benefits, privileges, respect from others for specific aspects of your life (or a specific role you play such as a manager) and how you handle your roles and responsibilities… Having all chores and obligations under control.
- Stage Four―Awards, celebrity, prestige, validation, praise, love, recognition, and approval of you (in a global way as opposed to some specific area of life such as with Stage Five)… The opportunity to impress friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and relatives or the public, in the case of celebrity.
- Stage Three―Not making waves, by doing whatever is expected of you and staying on the good side of whoever or whatever you consider an authority to be obeyed … Your power to rule others.
- Stage Two―Opportunities to lure people in and/or reap rewards without paying the necessary dues or playing on a level field… Being irresponsible without consequences…
- Stage One―Whatever feels easiest, safest, least threatening and most comfortable.
Whenever I speak on the topic of motivation or coach managers on how to motivate subordinates, I emphasize that motivation is never a “one size fits all” process. Whether you are simply trying to nail down what motivates you or how to motivate someone else in order to be maximally effective, it’s crucial to understand and acknowledge the stage from which you or whomever you wish to motivate are starting.
In most cases, Stages Six and Seven appear quite appealing; as long as you and/or those you are motivating remember that it’s still also okay to strive for “lower-stage” or external motivators such as money and recognition. The highest stages will always offer the bonuses of personal satisfaction, enjoying what you do, and contributing to something larger than yourself
Problem Solving
To Problem Solve, when stuck or in crisis, here is where you would typically turn for help at each stage:
- Stage Seven―Spiritual master of some type who helps you to transcend your ego and access your inner resources to search for the answer(s) you are seeking … Meditation, prayer, yoga, journaling, journeying or any method that works for you to turn inward for guidance or direction.
- Stage Six―Well chosen mentor or coach in the specific area you need help, who is personally beyond the problem or challenge you are struggling with … Many of the same practices as Sevens (see above) that best connect you with your inner resources, such as meditation, for example).
- Stage Five―Self-help books (such as this one) and courses, audio and video programs… Peers (talking to people you value) and all types of peer groups that focus on personal growth or a specific challenge you are trying to meet.
- Stage Four―Psychotherapy for treatment of such conditions as anxiety, depression, anger management, self-esteem issues, and relationship conflicts. However, be aware that sometimes psychotherapy unfortunately amounts to little more than “prostituted friendship”. So pick your therapist carefully… And choose one with an approach that emphasizes results, which has you working in between sessions in order for the process to integrate the results into your life and in the shortest time possible.
- Stage Three―The Bible, church, a clergyperson, or a charismatic leader who clearly spells out the rules and/or authority that needs to be adhered to in order to resolve the issue… An exception or “loophole” in a rule you believe you must follow and someone (a creditable friend, family member, clergyperson, or therapist) to help transition you to a new way of thinking
- Stage Two―Legal counsel … Behavior modification and other concrete forms of counseling to change errant habits that threaten relationships or freedom
- Stage One―Someone you see as more capable than you are to take over problem and allow you to resume a conflict free existence as much as possible … Medication and/or drug detoxification for medical and certain emotional issues.
In my practice, I have seen many---sometimes heartbreaking ---examples of how people have suffered far longer and more severely than they had to, simply because they were not receiving the type of support that could most effectively help them resolve their issue.
Therefore, a main function of this book is to offer some clarity to help you choose the right sources of help. The strategies in this book and discussions in each chapter offer resources that can generally be most helpful by the stages. Additional resources can be found at StageClimbing.com/resources.
Calibrations For Essential Areas of Your Life
These next seven calibrations are meant to put some of the essential areas of your life into perspective. They include calibrations for your career, job and career changes, spirituality and families, love relationships/marriages, and parenting both from the perspective of the child and the parent. Each of these calibrations could easily be the subject of a future book of its own in a Stage Climbing series. But here are the essentials of these topics from a Stage Climbing perspective.
Career
Typical best attitudes about your Career and the work you do by the stages:
- Stage Seven―“It’s an excellent way (or the best way I can) to make the contribution I most want to make.”
- Stage Six―“I love what I do … It’s what comes easiest to me, feels most flowing and natural… I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else … I feel fulfilled irrespective of the financial and other extrinsic rewards I get … I get pleasure from the challenge of it … If I never again had to work, I would still choose to be doing this.”
- Stage Five―“It’s lucrative (or pays the bills) and/ or gives me something to do and/or nice contacts and perks.”
- Stage Four―“It gives me prestige and/or a steady stream of good people contact.”
- Stage Three―“It is the type of work my family/ ‘tribe’ does (or always did) or values most.”
- Stage Two―“It’s an easy way to find lots of opportunities to feel powerful by manipulating and bullying others, perhaps as well as to make easy money.”
- Stage One―“It’s safe and provides me with feelings of security.”
If you cannot identify with stages Six and Seven career wise, you may want to consider this page a wake-up call. I have met very few people who couldn’t find a way to operate at least out of Stage Six with respect to some major aspect of their careers if they really wanted to and were willing to do what it takes to get there. And although getting there may certainly take a lot of effort, the rewards are immeasurable! The next page takes this concept a step further.
Typical reasons for making Job or Career Changes:
- Stage Seven―To move on to serve another or a higher mission.
- Stage Six―To seek a greater, more fulfilling, or a more enjoyable personal challenge where I am doing what I love and really want to spend my precious time doing it!
- Stage Five― For advancement, more money, fewer hours, easier commute, better contacts and/or benefits, etc.
- Stage Four―May seek change because of not “fitting in,” not getting along with, not liking or not being liked by the boss or co-workers … For more prestige … To follow an emotionally nurturing boss.
- Stage Three―Environment was too unstructured … Need more structure or regimentation…Co-workers get away with too much…To obtain more power
- Stage Two―You were exposed for violating policy, claiming undeserved credit or other forms of dishonest, illegal or unethical behavior.
- Stage One―Job became too challenging and/or less secure.
You may be aware that a job or career change is necessary for you, but feel stuck. If you currently are nowhere near Stage Six with your work but wish you were, take this opportunity to ponder what you really want to be doing with this part of your life. Make a list of all the excuses that are holding you back and deal with each one separately. Or for the sake of this exercise, pretend that your excuses simply don’t exist. What would you do then?
I have helped folks of all ages and life circumstances to get into careers that were thought to be the domain of people much younger, with more money, with fewer responsibilities and almost any other potential roadblock you can think of. In the end, almost anything is possible unless you persist in believing it isn’t.
What career or job would put you in Stage Six and/or Seven career wise? Identify the one or ones that would. Then as a first step, to get the information you need to begin taking massive action or at least the first step. Most importantly, leave no stone unturned in pursuing your dream! Also, revisit the Stage Six strategies, starting on page xxx as well as other all of your other resources, to do what it takes to make this happen.
Spirituality
Your View of Spirituality by the stages:
- Stage Seven―(In reality, Sevens characteristically come to and live by their own custom blend of spiritual principles. However, these are usually included in that blend.)―Laws of spirit apply to all of us (e.g., “We are all one”; “Our cores basically want the same thing”; “We each have a unique purpose”; “There are karmic rewards and consequences to consider”; etc.) ... “Those who act badly do so because they lost their way”… “We achieve solace with God by helping/serving others, including even our adversaries (on a personal level)”… “The mystery of whether or not there is an afterlife has no bearing on how this life is lived.”
- Stage Six―Just as Sevens do, Sixes march to the beat of their own drum spiritually― “Higher self resides inside of each of us, whose function is to connect us with our unique strengths, calling, purpose, principles and mission; and our commitment to reach our potential by pursuing these things” … “Spiritual self (or lack thereof) is heartfelt and chosen. It may even call upon you to connect with and feel love and awe for the beauty of nature and the world.”
- Stage Five―“Spirituality (often in the form of the organized religion that is most familiar) as well as observing religious traditions, is an important part of life.” However, the role of spirituality in life often is confusing and unsettled. In reflective moments, you ponder such questions as “What is the meaning of life?” or, “Is this all there is?” as well as questions about such things as your afterlife, dilemmas about God’s role in tragedy and injustice, etc.
- Stage Four―“God is benevolent” … “If I do the right thing, God will love me.”
- Stage Three―Whether an Atheist, a Fundamentalist_______ (name the religion) or anything in between, there is a strict and inflexible set of rules to be followed … “God is malevolent and unforgiving”… “If I disobey God, I incur his wrath (burn in hell, etc.)” … Certain religious dictums emphasize how followers are a different and presumably a better (or chosen) class of person than are non-followers.
- Stage Two―“There is no God” … ”There are no consequences or rewards (karmic or otherwise) beyond the obvious that exist in this world, such as the justice system, for example” … “If you are not caught or exposed and punished, you have gotten away with something completely”… ”What you see is what you get.”
- Stage One- “ In reality, ‘God’ is whoever (or whatever) takes care of me.”
Your spiritual beliefs are a part of you that can provide inner guidance for many aspects of your life. Many people consider their spiritual selves to be their most reliable source of truth. Practices such as prayer and meditation tend to open this channel wider and wider. In addition to the information in Chapters 8 and 9, StageClimbing.com/resources will point you to many diverse views and sources of information and guidance to consider.
Families
How Families operate at each stage:
- Stage Seven―Family shares deep (often spiritual) values and is guided by both love and strong principles of service both inside and outside of the family or “tribe”… Children are carefully and lovingly guided by example and through experience, to be strong, respectful, empathetic, and highly decent individuals.
- Stage Six―The whole is greater than the sum of its parts … Family is held together with love and respect … Family members support each other’s passions, strengths, ambitions, and personal growth. They encourage each other to stay on the path to their highest potential.
- Stage Five―When each member is functioning well in his/her family role, the family thrives. Problems occur when a member deviates from the family norm for a reason that is not clear to the other members. Such as when siblings of similar ages are in different stages or children function at higher stages than their parents or other elders, etc.
- Stage Four―When functioning well, members who are headed by a benevolent matriarch/patriarch serve to validate each other. When dysfunctional, self-esteem and self-confidence are unwittingly weakened. Children who witness a lot of anxious behavior throughout their formative years are especially vulnerable to a variety of anxious reactions and anxiety disorders that result from this environment … Approval and validation is often withdrawn or withheld as punishment.
- Stage Three―Family is run rigidly and with an “iron hand” by a tough matriarch/patriarch in an authoritarian manner where stereotypical roles are unquestioned. Respect is demanded, but not necessarily earned. Strict and sometimes severe punishment is mandated for failing to meet the often-stern expectations. Children usually go into the line of work and adopt lifestyles that are expected of them more out of guilt, fear, and lack of reflection (i.e., without even considering other alternatives) than by choice … Family members are sometimes ostracized or labeled “black sheep “as a punishment for not “toeing the line” or for failing to fit in.
- Stage Two―Deception, anger, addiction and/or abuse---which can be emotional, physical, and/or sexual--or extreme hedonism without regard for consequences, are the staples of this highly dysfunctional family environment.
- Stage One― Characteristically, family members are extremely enmeshed with each other and often feel unable to face the outside world with even a minimal degree of competence or independence.
When operating as a family unit from Stages Six and Seven, it’s obvious that every member benefits on a long-term basis. What changes―whether major ones or small tweaks―can bring different aspects of how you relate as a family to those target stages? Often, simply the awareness of certain blind spots and alternatives to them can trigger a major breakthrough where one is needed.
Love Relationships/Marriages
Love Relationships/Marriages―This calibration suggests that no matter where you are in your Stage Climbing process, there is a relationship for you. From which stage do you now operate? How about your partner? Use this calibration to discuss ways you can make your relationship work better, through your support of each other. Also, clarify how you can make the climb together to optimize your relationship. This exercise could permanently raise the bar for both of you, as I have seen it do with so many couples I have worked with. If you are not currently in a marriage or love relationship, but are looking for one, be aware of what you are seeking in a prospective partner. Here is how partners typically relate to each other by the stages:
- Stage Seven―Couple becomes a team who selflessly work together in a common mission outside of themselves; such as their children, their community, etc. … Can easily put partner first and may even put partner’s mission above one’s own without disdain or expecting a quid pro quo ... Partners are beyond being attached to and/or governed by expectations.
- Stage Six―Partners feel best about themselves and look to each other as a person to love and support as opposed to someone from whom love, sex, support, and validation are merely expected. There is genuine caring, intimacy, and respect that are not predicated merely on what you get back. When Sixes tell their partner “I love you,” they mean just that.
- Stage Five―Each partner dutifully fulfills the other’s spouse/ relationship slot and all that it entails (e.g., sex partner, financial partner, companion, co-parent, someone with whom to share and be intimate, best friend, etc.) … Partners are not necessarily governed by passion or a strong attachment that transcends their roles, in many areas of the relationship.
- Stage Four―Partners look to their relationship and each other as a source of love, validation, and approval. There is often an inordinate degree of jealousy and insecurity … Emphasis is on being loved (receiving) and validated as opposed to loving (giving) … Fours often try to please their partner as a way of getting back as much or more affection. For example, when they say, “I love you,” it can mean, “I want you to love me.” Fours may often ask their partner, "Do you love me?" and sometimes obsess about that.
- Stage Three―Both the foundation and the climate for the relationship are grounded in dictums ---often clichés or stereotypes--- that are usually based on long-standing rules and traditions. In any case, they were not willfully chosen (e.g., how they met, religious or ethnic background of anyone who could be considered for involvement, who works, who stays home, the nature of their sex life, fidelity, beliefs such as “all love relationships and marriages should/must last forever,” etc.) … Disagreements often focus on who’s most compliant with whatever rules form the basis of their relationship. Their “book of rules” usually settles control issues and other conflicts as well.
- Stage Two―Usually, one partner strongly dominates the other and/or uses the relationship as a vehicle to act out in a variety of ways ... Deception and even abuse is often the substitute for intimacy, where what is not felt can be lied about. For example, demanding that a partner be faithful while secretly they are not.
- Stage One―The foundation of the relationship (and often the reason it even came to be) is principally security, dependency, and neediness (that is, emotionally and/or financially, etc.) ... Either or both partners may be preoccupied with “needing to be needed”… A One often is experienced (and seen) by his/her partner as a “bottomless pit.”
Parenting
A key to good Parenting is to compliment what is both age and stage appropriate. Consider this as a very basic guideline for ideal parenting at each stage of the child (Note: the calibration on the next page addresses the stages of the parents):
- Stage Seven- You only need be proud and feel gratified for having been able to model/encourage Stage Seven behaviors as a parent at those times are when you put your own needs aside for those of your children without inducing guilt and by teaching the values of service. To the extent that your children operate as Sevens, they have internalized those values … Respect from your children flows back to you synergistically.
- Stage Six―By the time they reach this stage, hopefully you and your children are “emotional equals.” However, you are obviously still the parent… You are parenting your children as Sixes whenever you are enjoying the process of helping them grow in their own direction … (Sadly, parents in lower stages will often have difficulty understanding and appreciating their children in the two highest stages.)
- Stage Five―You have a certain number of years to influence your children by example. Chances are that whatever they have not learned from you—regardless of whether or not that was by choice—by the time they reach Stage Five, they will choose to learn elsewhere. So, let go of any remaining need to control their lives. Allow and honor the right of your adult children to be independent and different from you. By doing that, you will command respect, without having to demand it.
- Stage Four―To encourage self-exploration while carefully and lovingly setting limits, letting go and allowing your adolescent to make his or her own mistakes—all the while remaining a safety net and a source of love, support and guidance that he or she can turn to as needed. However, it’s also crucial to provide discipline and “tough love” whenever an adolescent child “crosses the line”. And those “lines” must be clear. This could be your last opportunity to be the principal source of influence for your child.
- Stage Three―To provide a solid structure and resolve to do whatever it takes to patiently teach those complex, yet basic rules of life. These are your main challenges with Stage Three children. By providing loving guidance along with appropriate discipline, children have the best possible environment to learn all about what it takes not only to fit in, but also to thrive and to begin to discover their own uniqueness, via early Stage Six and Seven hooks.
- Stage Two―To let the toddler explore, while teaching/setting limits and minding his or her physical safety, are the principal tasks here. Most importantly (and at times most difficult), is not to act out your own frustrations and emotions—especially anger—on to your child. This period can be thought of as a trial run for when your child becomes an adolescent, a stage that is a lot less demanding physically, but can be even more demanding emotionally
- Stage One―To provide unconditional love, nurturing, care, and safety during the first year of life.
Where have you noticed that this difficult balancing act called parenting could use a tweak?
Now, here is how Parenting looks by the stages of the parents
- Stage Seven―Part of parenting your child from Stage Seven is to see that role as a calling, where putting your needs aside and sacrificing when necessary is done as a labor of love and purpose, not out of guilt or obligation… Many Sevens choose to become foster parents, adopt needy children, or find and serve in some mission involving children when unable to have their own or when their own children are grown.
- Stage Six―Those who parent from Stage Six will rarely miss an opportunity to learn more ways to be effective. Parenting is often seen as the most joyous, rewarding, and loving part of life. Observing each aspect of a child’s growth can be a mesmerizing experience. Sixes both appreciate and encourage their children’s uniqueness. They make a genuine effort to be mindfully present when interacting with their child.
- Stage Five―Fives consider parenting their children to be another major role, albeit an extremely important and rewarding one.
- Stage Four— Stage Four parents are often obsessed with being loved, respected, and considered a “friend” by their children.
- Stage Three—While teaching rules and values are essential elements of parenting, it’s not hard to see how Stage Three parents who make it a practice to rule their kids by fear and extremely harsh discipline, usually miss the mark. In this present era, parents (and others, such as teachers) have access to many resources and much information that they didn’t have in past generations. Therefore, any extreme approach that puts the emphases on fear and other types of harsh behavior may now even be considered emotionally or physically abusive. At best, these anachronistic measures don’t translate to effective discipline. Moreover, highly authoritarian Stage Three parents generally have much difficulty being successful with adolescents―in particular― who may rebel to a dangerous degree on the one hand, or, on the other hand, become so fearful that they remain Threes both throughout and long after adolescence.
- Stage Two―Stage Two parents may be very neglectful or abusive emotionally, physically, morally and/or even sexually for no reason, of course, that even pretends to benefit their children. For example, in extreme cases, Twos have been known to use their children to beg, steal, and even deal drugs for them or worse.
- Stage One―Parents who themselves operate as Ones―regardless of the age of their child―may expect and encourage their children to become “parentified” (which means for the child to act in the role as the parent in one or more major ways), and thus take care of them emotionally and physically.
This calibration simply asks you to look at your own values and practices as a parent, and then ask yourself whether you are getting the result that you want.