When it comes to adult children who have “failed to launch”– either returned home after being away to college, an attempt to leave the nest to live on their own or who have never moved out to begin with—there is generally a variation of one or both of these two scenarios: For some of these young adults, the current economic climate has prevented them from getting jobs and having the financial security to move out on their own. Some may choose to go back to school, and/or do a reevaluation of their long-term career goals. In this case, they are in a transition period, to hopefully figure out what to do with their life given the reality they face. They are simply using their “safety net” because they are not yet ready to support themselves (they might even be accruing debt) and the safety net is there.
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Do you have many dreams you’d like to make come true? If there’s so much you want to do but in reality, so little time to do it, the feeling of overwhelm itself can actually hold you back from accomplishing any of your major goals. If this increasingly prevalent state of mind speaks to you, here’s a simple strategy to help you see results materialize in the shortest time possible!
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Believe it or not, fear can be a good thing. If our ancestors didn’t feel fear and react to it properly, they wouldn’t have protected themselves when they saw a dangerous predator coming after them, and we would not have survived. Thus, the survival mechanism of fear has thankfully survived, or the human species would not have. In our modern society, we rarely— but sometimes— need our fear responses to save our lives, such as when a dangerous person meaning harm is stalking us. Nevertheless, when this happens, we can fortunately use the fear response to fight or flee.
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I’ve rarely had as much reaction to any of my blogs or articles as there was to an article I posted here last week: Can an Affair Make Your Relationship Stronger? While affairs certainly don’t always have a positive result, the point of the article was to offer another option and help couples heal from a crisis that often prematurely ends marriages and love relationships.
Have you been on what feels like hundreds of dates, but found no one who fits the bill? While this might at times feel discouraging, the truth is if you were willing to accept almost anyone, you probably could have a relationship tomorrow. Think about it-if the only thing you chose about a person was their gender, how long would it take to find your next relationship? You could probably be in some kind of a “relationship” this time tomorrow. But thankfully, this isn’t the case for most people. While we all have certain criteria we want in a partner, mindfully fine tuning just what this is, can be the key to finding what you want and feeling empowered until you do!
Do you find that setting standards too high by trying to do things too perfectly is a source of stress for you? While doing your best is certainly a virtue, perfectionism— that is settling for nothing less than perfect— has a major down side. The problem is that many people mistake perfectionism for working their hardest, or trying to do their best. But these two things are really not the same at all. Perfectionism is a bad habit and one that you can quickly kick!
If you’ve recently found out your partner has had an affair (or perhaps you’re the one who has), your first reaction might be to assume it’s inevitable that the relationship will end. With the emotional rollercoaster you might be experiencing, this can seem like the only logical outcome. And if you’re someone who usually plays by the often black and white rules of society (or relationships), it may be difficult to see it any other way. In some cases, an affair will put the spotlight on certain differences that are irreconcilable. But on the other side of the pain, lies the possibility that an act of infidelity can actually make your marriage or love relationship stronger! Step one is to get past the rage, the finger pointing and the blaming. Then, there might be something to learn that can reignite your relationship and remind you of the reasons you got together in the first place. Think of this as the wakeup call.
I’ll spare you the tease. That word is NO!
The ability to be assertive and say ‘no’ is a communication skill we all learn at a very young age. If you’re a parent, you know better than anyone that once this word enters a child’s vocabulary it’s used very often. However, as an adult, ‘no’ is often much more difficult to say. As life gets busier and obligations increase, the ability to say ‘no’ is increasingly more important. If you can learn to assert yourself, it can be the difference between chronic overwhelm (aka, not having an enjoyable life) and spending far more time with the things you enjoy and that fulfill you the most.
“Success” is a very elusive word, simply because it means many different things to different people. Believe it or not, I’ve met some of the most successful and high achievers you could imagine in my psychology practice who actually consider themselves “failures” because they’ve set certain—often lofty— personal goals that weren’t met. Think about the most recent presidential campaign. Would you consider Mitt Romney a success or a failure? Some would focus on the fact that he lost the race, without acknowledging the many successes he’s had in his life and career. I can’t tell you how he views himself, but can only hope he doesn’t make this all too common overgeneralization.
Whether you are in a long-term relationship or you’re looking for one, you’ve probably noticed something rather obvious: that not all of us are looking for the exact same things in a love relationship. Most of us have unique priorities when it comes to what we value most in this as well as every major aspect of our lives. But certain ingredients— that stand the test of time— usually characterize the most fulfilling marriages and love relationships. So whether yours is in a difficult period right now, or you simply want to make a good relationship even better, remember the acronym TOUCH: