As you Stage Climb, you’ll encounter hooks – parts of yourself that act as
obstacles standing in your way of living life at your target stage.

Hooks are anomalies to the way you normally function. Think of them as your
connections to stages other than your default stage, which is the stage that you
tend to identify with currently.

I use the word “hook” as a metaphor, because these lower-stage hooks do keep
you hooked to a lower stage. You might also call them your “hang-ups.”

In Stage Climbing, hooks are your thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviors that are
characteristic of stages (other than your default stage) in a given life area. And in
order to be considered a hook, it needs to be identified with a specific stage.

I believe hooks develop for so many reasons: genetic/nature and/or
environmental/nurture. Too often the hook’s origin is not clear or even traceable.
For this reason, I rarely spend a lot of time exploring the origin of a hook. Instead,
I help people identify, understand, manage, and remove them.

As you will see, this is an extremely important part of the Stage Climbing
process, as it is a key to resolving your most daunting issues.

Sometimes a hook to a lower stage is like a “fly in the ointment.” explaining why
you have difficulty enjoying life or some important aspect of it. Some hooks are
blind spots – you don’t realize you have them, but others around you might.

Sometimes you are very aware of having other hooks and often only you are the
one aware of them. In this case, they might be some of the parts of yourself that
you choose not to change or to share with anyone else.

The question you need to ask yourself regarding a problematic hook is whether
or not you are willing to do what it takes to “unhook” it. Do you want to manage
it, remove it, or neutralize it?

Hooks can sometimes work for you in certain specific situations – and when they
do, enjoy and cultivate them. But as you learn more about the lower stages, you’ll
see that more often they tend to hold you back.

More about hooks next week.

You may be aware that a job or career change is necessary for you, but feel stuck. If you currently are nowhere near a Stage Six default with your work (as discussed in last week’s blog), but wish you were, take this opportunity to ponder what you really want to be doing with this part of your life. Make a list of all the excuses that are holding you back and deal with each one separately, or, for the sake of this exercise, pretend that your excuses simply don’t exist.

I have helped folks of all ages and life circumstances to get into careers that were thought to be the domain of people much younger, with more money, fewer responsibilities, etc. In the end, all things are possible unless you persist in believing they aren’t.

Begin by seeing which stage(s) you most identify with regarding the reason(s) for this major life change:

• Stage One―Job became too challenging and/or less secure.
• Stage Two―Was exposed for violating policy, claiming undeserved credit or other forms of dishonesty or unethical behavior.
• Stage Three―Environment was too unstructured … Need more structure.
• Stage Four―May seek change because of not “fitting in,” not getting along with, not liking or not being liked by the boss or co-workers … For more prestige … To follow an emotionally nurturing boss.
• Stage Five― For advancement, more money, fewer hours, easier commute, better contacts and/or benefits, etc.
• Stage Six―To seek a greater, more fulfilling, or a more enjoyable personal challenge where I am doing what I love and really want to spend my precious time doing it!
• Stage Seven―To move on to serve a higher cause.

What career or job would put you in your target stage careerwise? Identify the one or ones that would, and as a first step, become committed to getting the information you need to begin taking action. Most importantly, leave no stone unturned in pursuing your dream!

Let’s start the month of May by looking at your typical career outlook by the stages:

• Stage One―“It’s safe and provides me with feelings of security.”
• Stage Two―“It’s an easy way to find lots of opportunities to feel powerful by manipulating and bullying others as well as (perhaps) to make easy money.”
• Stage Three―“It is the type of work my family/ ‘tribe’ does (or always did) or values most.”
• Stage Four―“It gives me prestige and/or a steady stream of good people contact.” In addition, “It pleases the people in my life whose approval I value most.”
• Stage Five―“It’s lucrative (or pays the bills) and/ or gives me something to do and/or nice contacts and perks.”
• Stage Six―“I love what I do … It’s what comes easiest to me, feels most flowing and natural … I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else … I feel fulfilled irrespective of the financial and other extrinsic rewards I get … I get pleasure from the challenge of it … If I never again had to work, I would still choose to be doing this.”
• Stage Seven―“It’s an excellent way (or the best way I can) to make the contribution I want to make the most.”

If you cannot identify with the target stages Six and Seven careerwise, you may want to consider this a wake-up call. I have met very few people who couldn’t find a way to operate at least out of Stage Six with respect to some major aspect their careers if they really wanted to and were willing to do what it takes to get there. And although getting there may certainly take a lot of effort, the rewards are immeasurable!  Next Tuesday, we will take this concept a step further, by discussing a career change to the target change you want.

A major aspect of who you are is a result of the family you grew up in—your family of origin. The principles of Stage Climbing can explain much about your family and your own default stage in almost any area of your life. See what resonates most for you as we explore how families operate by the stages:

• Stage One―Family members often are extremely enmeshed with each other and feel unable to face the outside world with even a minimal degree of competence or independence.
• Stage Two―Deception, anger, abuse (can be emotional, physical, and/or sexual), or extreme hedonism without regard for consequences are the staples of this highly dysfunctional family environment.
• Stage Three―Family is run rigidly and with an “iron hand” by a tough matriarch/patriarch in an authoritarian manner where stereotypical roles are unquestioned. Respect is demanded, but not necessarily earned. Strict and sometimes severe punishment is mandated for failing to meet the often-stern expectations. Children usually go into the line of work and adopt lifestyles that are expected of them more out of guilt, fear, and lack of reflection (i.e., without even considering other alternatives) than by choice … Family members are sometimes ostracized or labeled “black sheep “as a punishment for not “toeing the line” or for failing to fit in.
• Stages 4―When functioning well, members who are headed by a benevolent matriarch/patriarch serve to validate each other. When dysfunctional, self-esteem and self-confidence are unwittingly weakened. Children who witness a lot of anxious behavior throughout their formative years are especially vulnerable to a variety of anxious reactions and anxiety disorders that result from this environment … Approval and validation is often withdrawn or withheld as punishment.
•  Stage Five―When each member is functioning well in his/her family role, the family thrives. Problems occur when a member deviates from the family norm for a reason that is not clear to the other members (e.g., when siblings of similar ages are in different stages or children function at higher stages than their parents or other elders, etc.).
• Stage Six―The whole is greater than the sum of its parts … Family is held together with love and respect … Family members support each other’s passions, strengths, ambitions, and personal growth. They encourage each other to stay on the path to their highest potential.
• Stage Seven―Family shares deep (often spiritual) values and is guided by both love and strong principles of service both inside and outside of the family or “tribe”… Children are carefully and lovingly guided by example and through experience to be strong, respectful, empathetic, and highly decent individuals.

When operating as a family unit from the target stages, it’s obvious that every member benefits on a long-term basis. What changes―whether major ones or small tweaks―can bring different aspects of how you relate as a family to those target stages? Often, simply the awareness of certain blind spots and alternatives to them can trigger a major breakthrough where one is needed. The best news of all is that once you see the connection, you can use Stage Climbing strategies to reverse any “damage”, by removing problematic hooks and raising your default stage in a given area of your life.

Spirituality and religion are often used interchangeably. I refer to spirituality as an internally generated set of beliefs that reflect your connection to whatever you consider to be your God, source or higher self. Religion, on the other hand, is a set of spiritual beliefs that are learned externally. Lets sort this out by the stages:

Stage One- “‘God’ is whoever (or whatever) takes care of me.”

Stage Two―“There is no God” … ”There are no consequences or rewards (karmic or otherwise) beyond the obvious that exist in this world (such as the justice system, for example)” … “If you are not caught or exposed and punished, you have gotten away with something completely”… ”What you see is what you get.”

Stage Three―Whether an Atheist, a Fundamentalist_______ (name the religion) or anything in between―there is a strict and inflexible set of rules to be followed … “God is malevolent and unforgiving”… “If I disobey God, I incur his wrath (burn in hell, etc.)” … Certain religious dictums teach us how followers are a different and presumably better (or chosen) class of person than are non-followers.

Stage Four―“God is benevolent” … “If I do the right thing, God will love me.”

Stage Five―“Spirituality (often in the form of the organized religion that is most familiar) as well as observing religious traditions, is an important part of life.” However, the role of spirituality in life often is confusing and unsettled. In reflective moments, you ponder such questions as “What is the meaning of life?” or, “Is this all there is?” (as well as questions about such things as afterlife, dilemmas about God’s role in tragedy and injustice, etc.).

Stage Six― “Higher self resides inside of each of us, whose function is to connect us with our unique strengths, calling, purpose, principles and mission; and our commitment to reach our potential by pursuing these things” … Spiritual self (or lack thereof) is heartfelt and chosen. It may often call upon you to connect with and feel love and awe for the beauty of nature and the world.

Stage Seven— Just as Sixes do, Sevens march to the beat of their own drum spiritually― (In reality, Sevens characteristically come to and live by their own custom blend of spiritual principles. However, these are usually included in that blend.)―Laws of spirit apply to all of us (e.g., “We are all one”; “Our cores all want the same thing”; “We each have a unique purpose”; “There are karmic rewards and consequences to consider”; etc.) … “Those who act badly do so because they lost their way”… “We achieve solace with God by helping/serving others, including even our adversaries (on a personal level)”… “The mystery of whether or not there is an afterlife has no bearing on how this life is lived.”

Your spiritual beliefs are a part of you that can provide inner guidance for many aspects of your life. Many people consider their spiritual selves to be their most reliable source of truth. Practices such as prayer and meditation tend to open this channel wider and wider.

We each grieve in our own way. When we allow ourselves to express our feelings of sadness, they tend to clear out of us naturally and usually lead to acceptance of the loss. However, when this process becomes blocked as it often does for a variety of reasons; grief can lead to chronic depression, anger, anxiety, and a variety of other stifling emotions and conditions.

So let’s look at how grief (over loss) is typically handled by the stages:

• Stage One―Self-pity can be quite intense along with anger (at who or what you have lost) over your difficulty about separating emotionally. You may also be in denial about the loss (e.g., difficulty believing that someone is really gone), or overwhelmed by a loss resulting in conditions such as PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), or even major depression requiring intensive treatment.
• Stage Two―Loss may become yet another excuse for acting out and displacing feelings such as anger on to others.
• Stage Three―You practice traditional grieving rituals (such as those of your religion or community)… You may find yourself judging others who grieve differently than you do as wrong.
• Stage Four―By blaming yourself for somehow causing the loss as well as for any existing unfinished business that may remain.
• Stage Five―Putting the pieces (and roles) of your life back together again, often by finding a replacement (or substitute) for whatever (e.g., a job) or whomever (e.g., a love relationship) you have lost.
• Stage Six―By understanding and allowing the process of detachment to happen via your healthy, natural, and emotional grieving process (e.g., purging painful feelings by crying and then letting go of whatever you have lost in due time) … Consciously learning how to tolerate the “void of loss” before merely filling that void with another version of whatever you have lost (such as a new job or relationship).
• Stage Seven―By knowing and accepting the non-permanence of life, life events, and situations that sadly or prematurely change … You understand  that everyone grieves in their own way, therefore you  can tolerate and support those who grieve in an entirely different manner … When appropriate, you forgive the people or forces responsible for the loss (including yourself).

It’s important to allow your grieving process to take place organically. So to the extent that you are not able to accept your loss within a reasonable time, look for the emotion that your grief may have morphed into.

Depression is a condition that can be medical, psychological, or both. More importantly, it can negatively affect the quality of your life and every aspect of it. To gain an understanding about depression, along with strategies and exercises to manage it as well as information about when more treatment is necessary, visit the “Downloads” page on this site, to download your complimentary MP3 audio, Overcoming Your Depression. I wrote this program to be a major step toward bringing your mood under your own control.

First, however, it’s important to recognize what typically triggers depression in you at each of the seven stages:

• Stage One―How you perceive yourself as a result of feelings of grief, inadequacy, hopelessness, or self-pity … The overwhelming prospect of being abandoned or having to “survive” alone.
• Stage Two―Having unpleasant (and usually unexpected) consequences for your behavior, from which you cannot escape … Depression for Twos is generally short-lived and will usually convert to anger as soon as an enemy (for the purposes of blame) is established.
• Stage Three―Being unable to find the answers to a crisis or dilemma within the narrow boundaries of your comfort zone, or the inability to get hold of a clear direction and/or feeling of reassurance from the “book of rules” to which you subscribe.
• Stage Four―A major rejection or scorn by a person or a group whose opinion, you believe, has significance to you … When your self-esteem takes a major hit or you put yourself down for some failure, real or perceived … Relationship issues, especially those regarding your feelings for each other that you or your partner are unable or unwilling to address.
• Stage Five―Having an important role in your life (e.g., a relationship, financial situation. or career negatively change  in a way that’s undesirable to you and out of your control to reverse or correct … Boredom with your  life that on the surface has “everything going for it”… A serious illness that threatens your ability to fulfill any or all of your most important chosen roles.
• Stage Six―Being unable to pursue or enjoy that which you love or are passionate about and do best.
• Stage Seven―Failing to successfully carry out a commitment and/or help those to whom you are committed via your calling or mission.

Next Tuesday, I’ll discuss what typically triggers grief in you at each of the seven stages.

What typically triggers Anxiety in you at each of the seven stages:

• Stage One―Fears concerning such things as abandonment, physical or mental disability and extreme poverty … Being, living, and/or dying alone where you would be or even merely feel unable to survive or change a dreaded fate.
• Stage Two―The prospect of being caught, punished, or exposed for your deliberate antisocial activities … Losing your freedom or cover … Twos often have a built-in immunity to anxiety. Thus, it can take a lot for some Twos  to feel any anxiety at all.
• Stage Three―Leaving your comfort zone, especially when “the rules” aren’t clear … The possibility of being damned, punished, or even killed for doing or perhaps even thinking something different than whatever would be acceptable to a feared authority (real or imagined) … “Shades of gray.”
• Stage Four―Being (or the prospect of being) rejected, embarrassed or seen as inadequate, “a failure” or of lesser worth by someone (or many, e.g., your peer group or even a segment of the public) whose validation is important to you … Worries about losing a love relationship through some form of rejection, are very characteristic of this stage..
• Stage Five―Becoming unglued as your roles expand; or worry that circumstances will overwhelm or render you unable to fulfill your roles … The awareness of any form of self-sabotage, where you somehow (usually by virtue of your lower-stage hooks) defeat your own purpose or inadvertently get into your own way.
• Stage Six―The prospect of failure (or being unable) to pursue or receive satisfaction from something you passionately enjoy.
• Stage Seven―When worried about or feeling powerless to combat forces that oppose you when trying to make the necessary contribution that the mission or calling to which you are committed requires … The prospect of not bringing your mission, calling, or contribution to fruition.

If you can use some help with anxiety or such expressions of it as excessive worry, visit the “Downloads” page on this site, for a complimentary download of Overcoming Your Anxiety. I wrote this program to help you attack anxiety at its roots, as well as give you numerous techniques for bringing it under your control whenever it arises.

For next Tuesday’s blog, I’ll discuss what typically triggers depression in you at each of the seven stages.

Anger, anxiety, depression, and grief are among our most common emotions. My blogs over the next few Tuesdays will deal with each of them separately and include calibrations for these emotions along with what most likely triggers them in you, by the stages. To make the best use of these calibrations, notice how your hooks in the lower stages trigger emotions that can throw you off balance in just about any part of your life. The more you can make a conscious commitment to do a better job in managing your expectations of others and events as well as choosing your battles, the more you become the master of these emotions, rather than the other way around.

So today, let’s look at what typically triggers anger in you at each of the seven stages:

• Stage One―Being abandoned, neglected, or deprived by whomever you depend on as your protector, provider, or caretaker. Anger sometimes triggers feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
• Stage Two―Being caught, punished (or turned in), confined, or called upon to take responsibility for your behavior. Revenge is often the first response to adversaries. Low frustration tolerance or discomfort anxiety regarding anything that’s not going your way will characteristically trigger in you an angry and often vicious response.
• Stage Three―Others who do not follow the same rules or have the same values and beliefs that you do. At its most extreme, this could include prejudice, hatred, or bigotry. Anger at this stage often takes on or results from an attitude of “self-righteousness.”
• Stage Four―Rejection or disappointment from others whose approval or love is on some level important to you, jealousy in relationships, or a betrayal (real or perceived) by someone you thought was in your camp. Sometimes anger is turned inward to create depression or self-esteem issues.
• Stage Five―Things or people you perceive as overwhelming you or throwing your life out of balance or control. At Stage Five, you still have difficulty forgiving adversaries as long as any remnants of an anger-producing situation remain.
• Stage Six―Anything that you believe needlessly distracts you from pursuing your passion. You see forgiveness as a means to let go of an unpleasant situation in order for you to get back to positive emotions and areas of genuine interest.
• Stage Seven―The Injustice or misfortune of others (could be one person, an entire society or any segment of it) who are unable (as opposed to unwilling) to fend for themselves. You also have no problem letting go of (rather than holding on to) your anger at specific individuals or entities through forgiveness. You will not let your emotions interfere with your larger mission.

Whenever anger is more than simply a passing wake-up call, such as in Stages Six and Seven, it’s very much in your interest to bring it under control. On this site, (StageClimbing.com/downloads) you will find a complimentary download of Overcoming Your Anger, an anger management MP3 audio that I wrote, which has helped many people around the world to gain mastery over this often-difficult emotion.

Next Tuesday, we’ll discuss what typically trigger anxiety in you at various stages.